Second kids have milestones too

The passing of time seems to march on here, much like it does everywhere else in the world. We mark the time with Facebook comments or Instagram pictures. We comment with shock and awe in the tone of our voices on how did we get here? How did this happen? But I feel like each milestone is more dramatic with Courtney than with Patrick. I’m sure it’s because she’s older and we can’t help but wonder how X number of years has gone by so quickly or how did our small girl become such a big girl. And, of course, it’s not so quickly. These things take time but just yesterday they were babies and now they’re small people.

But Patrick’s milestones seem to go much unnoticed, or at least unsaid. On some levels it’s more surprising and in others it’s just part of the every day. Maybe because Courtney’s already been there so it’s less of a milestone in all of our lives. Or maybe it’s because Patrick is so big, he’s the same size as his sister who’s 2 years older and she’s not small for her age. Or maybe it’s because he’s so easy. He goes with the flow and goes along for the ride. He mostly does what you ask him to do and he’s just a pleasant, all around great kid. We don’t push him to do things that maybe we should. And I feel like we treat him differently than his sister, partly because he is the “baby” and partly because his sister is older and we expect more. I can see it everyday in the way we treat them, on the expectations we place and I try and balance things out but know it doesn’t always work that way.

Patrick is a love and while I know he won’t always want to give me kisses, I want to impart on him the understanding that it’s good to tell someone they are loved. That it’s OK to share your feelings and to hold someone’s hand or show affection. Several times a day Patrick and I have this exchange where he says, “I love you. I just love you. And I’ll love you forever.” I’m already sad for the day when that stops, when he doesn’t tell me that or when a pouty face from me won’t result in a kiss on the cheek from him. Because he will be bigger and older and it won’t be OK to kiss your mom.

Last night Patrick reached another little personal milestone. As Paul put him to bed, Patrick asked when he should stop using his pacifiers. (He uses them at night. We never make a big deal out of them, or comment upon them, they’re just part of his night.) Paul asked him if he was ready to sleep without them and Patrick said he was, and handed over all four of them. Just like that. And just like that my little boy is stepping away from those baby years and towards those days where we don’t hold my hand in public. I know the days don’t go that quickly but they go. And I’m not quite ready.

And on to the next chapter

Paul pointed out to me that it was probably worth mentioning, my baby girl is a kindergartener. I find it hard to believe that the little baby that taught me what it meant to be a mom and to love unconditionally, is sitting in some classroom doing who-knows-what. 
In a lot of ways I feel disconnected. I don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t know what’s happening in her day. Who is she sitting next to? Is she making friends at lunch? Is she speaking up or is she sitting quietly? Courtney’s a talker but not a talker. The girl can talk all day about everything but when I ask her about her day, she’s all quiet. I ask questions and I get some answers but even then, I often get “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know.” It’s exasperating and provides me with no peace.
We did have an end of the week meltdown. It was a heartbreaker and I was completely ready to start homeschooling. I know that isn’t the answer, pull her out because of my uncertainty. (And let’s be honest, I’m no homeschooler.) But I knew that what she needed was for me to sit and listen and stroke her hair and wipe her nose and tell her that I love her and she’s going to get through this. This is a small mountain in our journey (except for the 6:30am wakeup, that’s Everest) and we’re going to learn to love, or like, the next step.
It’s crazy to me to think that 5 years + 3months later and here we are, on the bus, emerging on this grand adventure. I remember that November morning of her birth like it was yesterday. And there are days when I want to stop time, hold on to these moments and never let them go. But I know that’s not possible and so I will enjoy them and try my best to remember and hold on to my little girl as long as she’ll let me.

I am not perfect

My kids are not perfect. I know, this is earth shattering. They are small people with lots of thoughts and ideas. They have big imaginations and hundreds of ideas on how things should be done. They are growing and changing and learning and are full of questions. This is all how it should be. That’s […]

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Who doesn’t love a vacation?


Me? OK, that’s not quite true. I love vacation. I love the change of scenery and the beach or the mountains or the ability to read books and relax. I love spending time with my family and trying new restaurants and doing different things. But man, do I love to get home.We went to the beach […]

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Bits and Pieces

So what have I been doing that I can’t find the time to write for over a year? A lot and nothing. Or so it seems.Well, there’s the every day stuff. The parenting and the cleaning and the cooking and the laundry. And then there’s the exercise. My bestie and I were walking 4 days […]

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On saying goodbye


One of the things that brought me back to this long-neglected blog is my grandmother. I’ve written about her many times before. About what an inspiration she’s been, a role model and a wonderful grandmother. We named Courtney after her, which has always been hugely important to me. Baba, as we called her, was a […]

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