Paul pointed out to me that it was probably worth mentioning, my baby girl is a kindergartener. I find it hard to believe that the little baby that taught me what it meant to be a mom and to love unconditionally, is sitting in some classroom doing who-knows-what.
In a lot of ways I feel disconnected. I don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t know what’s happening in her day. Who is she sitting next to? Is she making friends at lunch? Is she speaking up or is she sitting quietly? Courtney’s a talker but not a talker. The girl can talk all day about everything but when I ask her about her day, she’s all quiet. I ask questions and I get some answers but even then, I often get “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know.” It’s exasperating and provides me with no peace.
We did have an end of the week meltdown. It was a heartbreaker and I was completely ready to start homeschooling. I know that isn’t the answer, pull her out because of my uncertainty. (And let’s be honest, I’m no homeschooler.) But I knew that what she needed was for me to sit and listen and stroke her hair and wipe her nose and tell her that I love her and she’s going to get through this. This is a small mountain in our journey (except for the 6:30am wakeup, that’s Everest) and we’re going to learn to love, or like, the next step.
It’s crazy to me to think that 5 years + 3months later and here we are, on the bus, emerging on this grand adventure. I remember that November morning of her birth like it was yesterday. And there are days when I want to stop time, hold on to these moments and never let them go. But I know that’s not possible and so I will enjoy them and try my best to remember and hold on to my little girl as long as she’ll let me.