Karen Chatters » Pregnant

The dynamic duo no more

Karen — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 00:50:54 +0000

Dear Courtney,

It seems like just yesterday you were born and my life turned upside down. I remember so vividly that day, just 23 months ago. It seems like only yesterday. I don’t know where the time has gone. How have you gone from this tiny little baby girl, fresh from my womb, to this happy, energetic, beautiful toddler with a million words and a beautiful smile? Wasn’t it just yesterday that you couldn’t even hold your head up?

I can’t even begin to tell you how much joy you have brought to me. There are no words. I hope someday you’ll understand but just know that I’ve never been as happy as I have been since I met you. It’s like you’ve brought me inner peace and happiness in one small little package. Not that every day is peaceful or joyous, I’m not that crazy, but we have had far more good days than bad. I have loved trips to the park and trips to Mexico and even some trips to the grocery store. You make me smile and laugh and see things that I’d never see otherwise (both literally and figuratively). I love that you think your Aunt E and your Papa are the greatest people in your world. I love that you get so excited to see your friends and that you love and kiss on them as well. And I love that you love babies, I hope that lasts.

As of tomorrow, your world will be completely different. As will mine. It will no longer be you and me against the world, exploring and seeing and doing things, just the two of us. No dynamic duo but now part of the Three Musketeers. Your baby brother or sister will be here, you will officially be the Big Sister. I’m not sure how you’re going to handle it. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it. You’re going to have to share me with another. We’ve talked about this day a lot – you know there’s a baby in my tummy, you’ve heard that a baby is going to come and live with us, but I’m pretty sure you don’t “get” it. I’m worried about how you’re going to react when this baby comes home with us and then never leaves. Of course, I worry about you a lot so this worrying is nothing new.

I just want you to know how much I love you and how bringing home a baby won’t change how much I love you, there’s enough love to go around. I may not be able to hold you as much or spend the same kind of time with you but that doesn’t change how much a mother loves her girl or how much you mean to me.

You’ve set the bar pretty high, kiddo. You’ve been SUCH a good kid. So happy and smiley and well behaved and adorable. We’re hoping that Segundo will be half as good as you, can we be that lucky twice? I know that the next few weeks/months are going to be a big adjustment for you – a new baby AND a new house at the SAME time. But I also know what a wonderful little person you are and I can’t wait to see how you react to your new role as the big sister.

Just remember my sweets, while things are going to change and seem a little bit nutso, I will always love you with all my heart and soul. You will always be my baby, even if there is another baby in the house. Thank you for teaching me to be a mom and for being patient with me as I figure this all out as we go along. And thank you for your sunshine, I can’t imagine my world without it.

All my love,
Mommy

Sorry to obsess

Karen — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 12:57:39 +0000

But I feel like that person who’s stuck on the carousel, on the horse that doesn’t go up and down. All the other people are on the fun horses, the ones that go up and down and are oh so pretty while I sit wistfully on the dud of a horse. Or maybe even in the bench seat and I didn’t get a horse at all.

I’m still pregnant and I’m almost certain the baby won’t come before Friday at 9:45am when I’m (re)scheduled for surgery. Every day seems like the. exact. same. thing. I get up and pee, go figure. I try to get to Courtney before she’s taken off her clothes and peed in her bed, on EVERYTHING, and I now have to do 3 loads of laundry before nap time. Days like yesterday, I didn’t quite make it (and I know it could have been WAY WORSE, so for that I’m “grateful”). Courtney and I both shovel down some breakfast. I try and feed her some healthy options, or even just an option, but in the end she has Cheerios with milk and why I made banana pancakes leaves me wondering why I bother. I’m just glad they sell Cheerios at Costco. Then there’s an activity – school or play gym or an errand or a play date but something to keep said child busy and go-go-go as opposed to mommy-mommy-mommy while I try and go to the bathroom or load the dishwasher. Then there’s lunch and hopefully a nap and then another meal and more laundry and more diapers and lots of peeing (me) and I sit, literally counting down the minutes until Paul arrives home at 6:30. Some days he’s here at 6:25 but some days he has the audacity to sit in traffic or have a meeting and not get home until 6:40 and I want to cry.

All this happens while some small human grows by leaps and bounds in my belly, into some gigantically huge baby that I’d like to be able to push out of my lady bits. Which won’t be so bitty if said small human continues to grow and grow and I’m now looking at a lifetime of wetting my pants with every giggle or sneeze. Said small human kicks and stretches and stomps on that nerve that runs down each leg but doesn’t actually go anywhere. You know, anywhere OUT. And for the most part, I don’t even have contractions that let me know my body is preparing for something. Well, normally I don’t and then Monday night/Tuesday morning I had them ALL NIGHT LONG but I knew they weren’t the real deal, just my bodies way of saying, “No sleep for you sucker lady. You should have kept that scheduled c-section for first thing in the morning.” But I was still hopeful… And if I’m sleeping or having contractions, I’m not sleeping well because I’m peeing all the damn time. The other night I peed 7 times between 10pm – 2am, like that’s helpful. Poor Paul is sleeping with a mask on and grinding his teeth, like he’s stressed or something. I can’t imagine why. And then I may or may not get some sleep only to wake up and do it all again.

I know I should be grateful for the simple routines of my day and the ability to get out and do things while 40 weeks + 3 days pregnant. I have decided as of Monday that my face is now fat, which is WAY longer into the pregnancy than the last time I was knocked up.

Anyway, please don’t mind me while I sit on my little carousel, going around and around, waiting for something to happen. You know, like all of a sudden the fake horse turns real, bucks me high into the air and turns my world completely upside down.

40

Karen — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 13:00:26 +0000

Well, today I’m 40 weeks pregnant. As in, hellloooo due date. Due to have this baby. And while I’m ready, no one else seems to be.

I went to the OB on Thursday and he said this baby is as snug as can be. He/she is way up there, not even close to the gates to freedom. The doc seemed to think that this baby is coming no time soon. He did say if I wanted to reschedule my c-section, I could. And so I am. Hopefully it’ll be on Friday but I’ll get a call today to confirm that. They won’t let me go beyond next Monday, but we don’t want to go that long what with the moving situation and all. I know, I know. After all my bitching and moaning and complaining, I’m pushing things off a few days.

You never know, I could deliver on Tuesday all on my own instead of having that c-section. Or maybe I’ll still be pregnant on Friday and the c-section happens anyway. It’s worth a shot to buy Segundo a couple more days. I feel oddly at peace with this decision. I’ve been sleeping a little better and even feeling a little better. The 3 days may not matter but maybe it will.

That doesn’t mean that I’m going to quit the pineapple or even the primrose oil…

Finally Friday

Karen — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 13:00:03 +0000

I’m taking a break from the baby talk and the stress and the angst that’s keeping this baby so FAR AWAY from the exit that he/she may as well come out my ears. Instead, I’m going to pretend I’m here.

When I’m not sleeping, which is a LOT lately, I pretend I’m on a boat and I try to imagine that the lull of the boat is going to lull me to sleep. It doesn’t often work…

On top of spaghetti

Karen — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 13:21:05 +0000

Last night I dragged my family across town in rush hour traffic on the “promise” that eggplant parmesan from Scalini’s would put me into labor within 48 hours of consuming it. This was our third trip, the first for this pregnancy, and it had yet to put me into labor but that didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to try. And they have fried ravioli that Paul really likes, so he didn’t fight me on it. I don’t even like eggplant but if you bread and fry something, smother it in marinara and the add a bunch of cheese on top, you can eat almost anything. I’d think that cardboard might be tasty this way (and if it induces labor, I’d try that too). I ate my eggplant and had a stern talking to with Segundo and we’ll just chalk the evening out as good quality family time.

Because let me tell you, it was quality time with my family. Courtney, like any toddler, has her days with good eating and bad eating. Some days she’ll eat nothing and other days I can’t keep up. Yesterday was a good day. I’d ordered her the spaghetti off the kids menu, which was really enough for an adult. Courtney had already eaten 2 bags of dried apples, half of an actual apple, one of those baby food squeezy things and was looking for more when I suggested we wait for her spaghetti to arrive. “OK,” she said. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure she enjoyed the meal. (That spoon is bigger than her head…)