Karen Chatters

Time with my boy

Our days have been crazy quiet and uneventful. I mean, we’ve done nothing. Nada. Hardly left the house. The best part of all of this is that I’ve had tons of quality time with the kids, especially Patrick. I love this boy. He just melts my heart.

A month has gone by

I realized yesterday morning that it had been a month exactly since I’d had Hunter put down. It kind of caught me off guard – a month. How did that happen? Where did the time go? I’m sure the time between December 9th and January 1st helped to make the transition easier, we were so busy and there was so much to look forward to. But that’s all passed and the distractions have dwindled.

Things have gotten easier for me. I went from sobbing often to sobbing some to rarely sobbing. But I still cry. There are days when I won’t think of him much at all but then, all of a sudden, it will hit me like a ton of bricks. There will be that pain in my chest and the constriction in my throat and the tears will just flow. The reminders of him are fewer and farther between. More specifically, the dog hair is becoming less and less but I’m sure will be around for years. Next to the window where his dog bed was are now some plastic bins, waiting to be returned to a friend. The bench by the back door is much larger now that the dog food has been removed. But there are days when I’ll come into the house and I’m still looking for some dog accident on the floor. It’s never there.

Sixteen and a half years is an awfully long time to spend with someone. Or an animal. A few people have told me that even years and years and years after the loss of their first pet, or an extra special one, a raw emotion will sneak up on them. I believe that.

I’ve looked around a little online for dogs and think that maybe someday I’ll be ready to introduce another little 4-legged friend into the family. But not yet. I’m not ready. I still miss my friend.

Sew a little something for me

At the end of 2011, I did a ton of sewing. I mean, a ton. And very little, if any of it, was for me. I made quilts and potholders and aprons and pillows and robes and jackets. And I ripped out tons and tons of stitches and did tons and tons of ironing and then gave almost all of it away. See ya, bye bye. And I’m sorry if you were the recipient of an item from my true year 1 of sewing. If you received something in December it was way better than what I gave away in August but that’s not saying much nor is it any consolation.

But now that the holidays are behind us and I don’t have anything to make for someone else until, well, some time in the future, I’m going to do some sewing for me. So I decided to start the year by making myself a shirt. And, well, I spent the better part of last week working on it and all it needs are the buttons and to finish the hem. But, whatever, it doesn’t fit. It’s too small. But I’m hoping to finish it anyway. But what else? Yesterday I made new pillow covers for the throw pillows on the couch. But on my list of things for me (or my house) to enjoy:

A new jacket – already have the pattern
A shirt and skirt – have the pattern and fabric
Window treatments for the kids bathrooms and bedrooms
Window treatments for our TV room and my sewing room
A few more quilts

There are some other items on my list, things that I can make and enjoy. You know, like potholders to replace the ones I own that are 10 years old. No matter though, it’s time I do some things for me. Let’s just hope that the next few projects work out better than the shirt that doesn’t fit…

No more babes in my woods, or uterus

As we turn the corner on a new year, I am brought that much closer to my 40th birthday. Forty. 4-0. As my loving and kindhearted brother would say, I’m 1/2. As in, 1/2 of my way to the grave. How’s that for love?

But one thing for sure as I near that milestone birthday, I don’t want any more kids. Two kids is perfect. One boy, one girl. Call me finished. The fat lady has sung. The finish line has passed. No more babies please.

And now comes the deciding factor, what do we do to prevent myself, us, from having any more kids? I went to the doctor yesterday to explore my options, some of which I knew about, one of which I didn’t. I could go on the pill (what a pain in the ass that is, not interested), I could get an IUD, or I could have thermal ablation. Option 1 and 2 would mean that I could still, in theory, get pregnant or decide in the future to have another kid. Not really an option I’m looking for. Option 3, which I didn’t know was an option, would mean absolutely no kids ever again, not even a chance. Which is what I want, but why is that option so scary? And why is 3 even really an option?

In discussing my options with my doctor, I happened to mention that my cycle is now insane. As in 10 days long and crazy heavy. (Hi baby brother!! Sorry I didn’t warn you first…) I mean, it’s not normal. He happened to mention that that is one of the awesome things that happens to women after they have babies – longer and heavier cycles. Joy. There’s a chance I could go with Mirena and my cycles would diminish to almost nothing or go away entirely. Or not. I’ve also heard stories of women having crazy side effects with Mirena but I’m sure there are more women that haven’t, they just don’t tend to talk about how great they feel. But with the ablation, I’m saying for sure, 100%, “that’s it, we’re done, no more babies here.” Which is what I want but that’s still very scary.

Now, sure, I could do Mirena now, think about it for a while, see how I feel, see how it goes and then decide to do the ablation. But let’s be honest, these things aren’t free and while we do have health insurance, to do both would cost us $1500 or so. And trust me, I’ve checked the sofa and there’s no $1500 in there.

So I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Are you loyal reader (all 4 of you but one of you is my dad and one is my husband and one is my brother) taking anything? Do you know anything about Mirena or have you had ablation? What would you do?

Christmas Wrap-up

Get it? Wrap-up? Or maybe it should be the un-wrap-up. Sorry, moving on…

We’ve had a great holiday here in our little home. Courtney’s been out of school since the 14th and in all honesty, we’ve done almost nothing. We had a huge Holiday Open House here on the 18th and after that, it was relax and hangout mode. Patrick woke up the day after our party with a cold that then went to his chest. There was snot everywhere and coughing and general nastiness so we stayed home so he could recover. Then there was Christmas and more hanging out at the house. And New Years, where we showered and took off our pj’s and ventured out into public. OK, not public as much as going to someone’s house, which is approximately 1 minute away in the car. And I’m SURE they wouldn’t have cared if we’d stayed in our pj’s… And now it’s FREEZING and we aren’t going anywhere today. And honestly, that’s all good with me.

Courtney had an excellent Christmas. She didn’t really get it, but close. She woke up Christmas morning and laid in bed for 1/2 an hour before I went in to get her and her first words were, “Did Santa come?” There was no banging down the door. No running down the steps. It was almost like a regular morning, until we got downstairs. Santa didn’t wrap anything which made the big reveal happen all at once and the cleanup super easy. But that also meant that Courtney wanted to open all of our gifts, which was fine but maybe not so exciting for her. Either way, she had a great day. Christmas day wrapped up (sorry, I didn’t mean to do that again) with Courtney singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs from her bed at 10:30, long after we’d turned out our own light.

Usually hanging out at home for 3 weeks with not a lot to do drives me a little crazy but this time, it’s been really nice. Hell, a week at home with nothing to do drives me batty. But I’m not complaining. Courtney’s had a great time. She’s been playing with her toys and Patrick or Paul or I. And because Patrick isn’t walking, going out requires lugging him everywhere and the kid is HEAVY but he wants to do everything his sister does. And sometimes staying home is easier and less exhausting. But, all good things must come to an end. Reality starts tomorrow with Courtney going back to school and doctors appointments and errands and one more day in our pajamas is all good with me.