Just more crap

I haven’t posted much the past few weeks, not because things aren’t happening but mostly because nothing new is going on. The late-3’s-soon-to-be-4’s are kicking our asses and things are kind of ugly. I’ve had pink eye for a couple of weeks and when I thought it was just about gone, I ran out of meds and it came back. Courtney has a terrible cough and Patrick has snot all over his face. We’ve been crazy busy with the start of school and birthday parties every weekend and squeezing in some apple picking this past weekend, which I love to do. Sadly for me, Patrick thought the apple picking was crap and was one unhappy kid but that may have more to do with the snot running down his face than the actual apple picking itself.  
Courtney has been a challenge of late – or more of a challenge than normal. Or maybe she’s the same challenge she’s always been but I’m just tired. I haven’t slept well in a couple of weeks and my fuse is short. Every night at bedtime I feel as though I’ve failed as a mom, as an adult. Every night it’s the same thing, the same battle, the same test of will and strength.  And every night I repeat the same behavior and it’s ugly. I’m not proud, I’m never proud of it.
So yeah, I haven’t written much because I don’t feel like I have much new to say. I know this phase shall pass, to be replaced by a new one. I just hope I handle that one better.

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