A few weeks ago, I was reading a sad story about a mom who’s son had died. She’d opened up not that long before that about her 18 year old being a drug addict, a very hard admission for her. He died from a combination of a drug overdose and an assault. It’s a terrible and awful ending to what had been some very difficult years. I don’t know this mom, this woman, and I don’t know her story but in reading some of her history, I get the impression that she’s a loving, caring, involved mother. She wasn’t negligent, she wasn’t uninformed, she was doing the best she could with a tough situation.
Around the same time, and on a totally different level, my SIL was beating herself up over the fact that her 3+ month old had a cold. Her first one. My poor SIL is blaming herself for something that is certainly NOT her fault, but just a part of life.
A few months ago, Courtney had an ear infection. I took her to the doctor for something completely different to discover that my angel was in pain. And I had no idea. And I felt terrible.
So many moms I know blame themselves for difficulties and problems with nursing. Contrary to what so many of us believe, nursing your baby isn’t as simple as inserting one’s boob in the babies mouth and away you go. Nursing is hard. There’s so much that’s just NOT intuitive. Yet, moms blame themselves for their “failure” to get a baby to nurse. We often perceive giving our babies formula as a sign of failure where really, getting our babies some food and nourishment is the most important thing we can do. And that happens within the first couple of weeks, forget the next 18 years.
Being a parent is the hardest job. So much of being a parent is going with your gut, talking to friends, doing what you think is best for your child. There is no fine line between the right way and the wrong way in so many instances. Parenting is never ending. And while the nature of some things change over time, you’re constantly trying to help your kids to find their way, to make smart decisions, to do what’s best for them. It is so hard to know if the decisions you make today, next week, next year or in the next ten years will be the best decisions for the best outcome for your child.
There are a zillion books on raising kids. Raising them at any and all ages, raising them without screaming, raising them with religion, raising them without religion, raising kids with disabilities, raising kids to be active and on and on and on. But how do you even know which books to read and if they have good advice or if they’re total crap. And, my 1st kid could be 1000% different than my second and what I do for one may not work for the other. Forget what works for me and you and you over there and you in California.
I certainly couldn’t have gotten to this point in my parenting history (all whopping 19 months of it) without the advice and help of friends and family. I mean, I could have but I’m glad I haven’t had to do it alone. To me, one of the nicest things about having a network of friends and family to ask advice of is that you don’t actually have to take it all. Or you can take bits and pieces and do what works for you, your child and your family.
Being a mom is so rewarding but it’s so hard, and it’s only going to get harder. I like to think that people go into parenting with the best of intentions, hoping to raise the best little humans we can. And as a fellow parent, if people ask for my advice, I’m happy to give it (I’m happy to give it if you don’t ask, so watch out). It’s not my job to judge you or criticize you. Like you and you and you, I’m doing the best I can and I’d hope that you would be there for me, to help me and guide me and raise the best kids I can.
