Bewbs

I was reading a post yesterday by Gabrielle about her boobs and I found myself a little jealous of her currently lopsided boobs but normally quite petite cup size.  She’s a double A, which I think stands for Amazingly Awesome.

The timing of her post couldn’t have been more perfect because I’ve been finding myself, again, in awe over the size of my rack.  It’s just ginormous.  I’m sure you all remember how I went for a bra fitting not that long ago and found I was an F cup.  I thought that was pretty Freakin’ Frightening.  And that was before I was all knocked up and growing at a rate that defies reality.  I feel like some creature in a cartoon that blows up to twice it’s size and floats away.  Or maybe like Veruca Salt, except I’m not blue.  Just huge.  And we all know I’m not floating anywhere, ever.  But here I am with 13 weeks or so to go and my boobs are barely contained by a bra.  They need slings.  You know, the slings that you see attached to cranes.  Actually, that’s not a bad idea, it would relieve some of the pressure on my back.  And forget my shirts, they conceal nothing.  If I’m wearing a v-neck, it’s a freak-show-cleavage thing going on.  Seriously now, it’s abnormal.

Then there’s the postpartum, nursing thing.  Forget what happens when the milk comes in.  I’ll have to kick Paul out of bed so my boobs and I have room.  And really, I may have to sleep on the floor so my boobs can get the bed.  I’m going to bust out of the boob alphabet and will have to describe my cup size based off the number of zip codes you can find my boobs in.  What is it with those women who get pregnant and they’re all belly and so adorable with the basketballs they hide under their clothes?  And their boobs don’t blow up like water melons, just happy little B cups?  And then, to top it all off, at 2 weeks postpartum, they’re back in their skinny jeans?  I’d settle for a fraction of that.  Those.  Hell, I don’t even own skinny jeans but that’s another post for another day.  I distinctly remember thinking that Courtney wouldn’t be able to nurse because her mouth would be too small for my boobs.  And THEN, my boobs would explode because of all the milk that was just sitting there while Courtney would happily feed from a bottle.  Of course that didn’t happen but I had dreams along those lines.  And what of those women who’s boobs are smaller AFTER they nurse than before?  No, no that won’t happen to me.  Just like I won’t be one of those people that will be 10 pounds lighter after I give birth.  Hell, my right boob is 10 pounds all on its own.

Maybe I should measure my boobs now and see where they are in 13 weeks.  Or maybe someone will just email/call/text me and let me know they’ve seen my boobs in their town.  In Colorado.

Comments

  1. Jen says:

    I seem to recall some weekends out at the boat comparing! I’ve always wished I could fit into cute little tanks and camis without some huge over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder to keep them up. No strapless bras for me!! I empathize with you, and can’t even IMAGINE pregnancy boobs! I’ll let you know when I see them in Cumming!

  2. Crisvi says:

    It sounds like, you have gotten big up top! I really enjoyed reading your post.

  3. Bob says:

    Nice rack…

Trackbacks

  1. […] going to be in 5 weeks.  Hell, how big will I be in 2 weeks.  Or 2 days.  Probably like my boobs, I’ll be in your zip code and mine. August 9th, 2010 | Tags: Courtney, Pregnant, Segundo | […]

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