I was watching The Nanny on Friday night (yes, I was home and watching The Nanny and it was lame but such is my life these days) and this woman (and her husband) on there had 4 kids – a 5 year old and triplets who were 3. They were clearly at the end of their ropes. The 5 year old was out of control. OUT. She was all over the place. And they had no control of this child. But what got me was the hitting – them hitting her. They’d learned in their church (!!!) to paddle the child with a wooden spoon. So they’d grab the child, tell her she’d been bad, and paddle her while hugging her. It was fairly horrifying. Now, I know a lot of it had to do with how it was edited and all that but they hit her over and over and over. And I was just beside myself.
But then I thought, who the hell am I? I don’t have 4 kids under the age of 5. I don’t have triplets. I don’t have a 5 year old who gets her way all the time (and knows it). I have no idea what these people are going through every day.
How much time do we spend judging others? Judging others and how they parent or interact with their spouse or children. I’m not perfect. I wouldn’t want others to judge me. I see how other people put their lives on the Internet, like I do, and then get judged HARSHLY for their actions. They spank or don’t spank. They home school or don’t. They vaccinate or not. And people are ruthless.
It’s OK not to agree with others. It’s OK to have your own convictions. It’s ok to be a believer in something. But it’s also OK to respect others for what they believe. It’s ok to not judge.
I was raised in a house with the wooden spoon and ivory soap. We, fortunately, didn’t see the spoon often and when we did, it was flying through the air having just been snapped in half on the kitchen counter during the “threat.” I did have an episode of getting my mouth washed out with soap, it wasn’t pleasant. And what it taught me was not to swear in front of my parents. Got it, lesson learned.
Paul and I haven’t talked about discipline yet. I’d like to live in a house where you don’t hit, which means no spanking. I don’t know how you teach your kids not to hit others when you then smack them on the ass when you do. It just seems a little hypocritical. But I don’t know, we aren’t there yet. But when we are, we’ll figure it out and hope that people don’t judge us for our decisions. And if you do, that’s ok, just keep it to yourself.
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In other news, you can find me on the Shreds today, talking about motivation. So exciting!!
I like to believe that EVERY parent is doing the best that they can. The best thing that we can do is to support one another instead of tearing each other down in an effort to make ourselves feel better.
Well said, Karen.
It’s pretty tough sometimes to not spank when you have a particularly willful child. I do have days when I wonder if a spanking would make life easier but I’m not going to try it. I agree that hitting after telling kids you don’t hit is hypocritical. But then you also have to figure out what works on each child. Some learn best from strict rules while others thrive with a looser style.
There was a wall street journal article a few months back that said kids who were spanked were more successful in life than those who weren’t. Apparently, there’s a study out there. That said, we’ll be spanking our kids even when they’re good…