Are you there God, it’s me

This is a topic that I’ve been thinking about writing for a while but haven’t.  My husband comes from a fairly religious family.  A long line of church goers and believers.  This could very easily get me blackballed from that side of my family.  It’s also one of those things you aren’t supposed to talk about.  Religion or politics.  But then when you do, you find that there are more people out there with a similar line of thinking than you would have thought.

Growing up my mom made me go to church every week.  To Sunday school.  I can’t honestly remember much of what I was supposed to be learning.  Classes were in the basement of the church.  I was down there while mom sat upstairs, listening to the service.  Dad didn’t go to church, I’m not sure if he’s a believer or not.  I think my favorite part of going to church was the social time when it was over so I could drink tea and eat cookies (although, maybe I’m making the cookies up) before we went home.

The minute I finished 8th grade, Sunday school ended and that was the end of my church career.  We stopped going to church.  I think my mom stopped dragging my brothers too.  Totally unfair that I had to go all those years and they didn’t.

Anyway…

I don’t believe in God.  I just don’t think there’s some being out there, looking down on us all and passing judgment.  “Sally = Good.  Johnny = Bad.  You will go to Heaven and Hell, respectively.”  I just don’t think that’s happening.  I don’t think that there was an Adam and an Eve and an apple.  I don’t think that God has a hand in making people.  I don’t think some higher power created the planet, the tulips and the sunset.  I just don’t.

I do think that there is a scientific explanation for everything.  Don’t ask me how science works when creating the planet, all the atoms and molecules and great white lights or whatever.  I think that sperm and the egg meet and there are genetics and biology and scientific stuff happens and you have babies.

I just don’t get it.  I don’t believe in the Bible.  I’ll admit, I’ve never read it but I just can’t put much weight in it.  I think it’s a really old book, that’s probably evolved a great deal over time.  Have you ever played telephone?  You tell someone something and they tell someone else who tells someone else and by the time it gets back to you, it’s COMPLETELY different.  I feel like the Bible is kind of like that.

I’ve been having a really hard time lately with bad things happening to good people and then someone tells me to pray.  Pray to whom?  If there is a God, why does he give kids cancer?  Why do wonderful women with 3 children, who saw their kid through cancer, get struck down with a stroke?  Why would God do that?  Why do people do terrible things to kids?  And if I’m not a prayer normally, why would my prayers now make any difference?  I’ve read this post by Her Bad Mother multiple times and I think there’s a lot of truth in this.  If all of a sudden there’s petitionary prayer for someone, or something, why would He intervene for that one person or thing over another.  I think there are scientific reasons why kids get cancer and scientific discoveries that make kids better.  I think there’s some medical reason why Anissa had a stroke.  I think there’s some serious chemical imbalance that would lead someone to abuse a child.

I don’t denounce or commend those that believe in God or go to church or pray, I just don’t understand it.  I feel bad, like I’m missing out, but I don’t believe.  When I hear about things like Anissa, or other people that are in need of prayer, I try and think positive thoughts and send positive vibes and energy their way, but I don’t pray.  That may seem kind of hokey but it’s the best I can do.

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I’ll be writing more about this over the next month or so.  Religion isn’t something I talk about a lot.  I mean, I live in the Bible Belt, for crying out loud.  I hope I don’t offend anyone but this is me, who I am.  Take it or leave it.

Comments

  1. I’ll take it. Thank you so much for carrying on the discussion.

  2. Natballs says:

    During the past year or so I’ve struggled with prayer/God just like you have. I completely understand where you’re coming from on your feelings about the Bible, Adam & Eve, creation, etc. I went to a Catholic High School and, while I attended and for some time afterwards, I vehemently refused God in every form. I spat at the name practically.

    Now I don’t go to church ever, I don’t celebrate lent or any of that but I have progessed since then and come to different conclusions. I DO believe in God now and I believe in prayer, not because I think it will nec. work, but because I feel like it can send positive energy & hope over to someone, and if you care about other people Karma will return the favor.
    I dont’ understand why God lets people die painfully or allows murder or rape (unless you fall for the Adam & Eve & the apple crap), but I do think he maybe put the bad people here to challenge the good ones. But then, as you said, people can’t be lumped into two general categories of “good” and “bad”

    I’ve touched upon the subject before here: http://natballs.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-beautiful-if-nothing-more-than-to.html

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