Our house, is a very, very, very…

Nasty ass house.  It is, it’s nasty.

A little over two years ago, I got house envy.  We went to my husbands cousins house, which they had just built, and I turned green with envy.  They had high ceilings, lots of light, excellent colors, and the most beautiful kitchen ever.  We lived in a house that was my “husbands” house, he had done a ton of work to it, and it was looking good but it wasn’t our house, it wasn’t a house that I would have picked.  So we had to move.

I wanted a new house with a nice kitchen.  Paul wanted a basement, a pool and a garage.  He thought that little trifecta would take me months to find.  I think our house was the third house I looked at. It had been bought by house flippers who had come in and redone the kitchen and the master bath.  They’d painted it all, made it look pretty, put in new carpet upstairs and some other minor cosmetic changes.  But, it had a large finished basement (the man cave) and a large garage and the coveted pool.  I was blinded by the pretty kitchen, the huge master bedroom and the homeliness of it all.  Paul was wowed by the pool, which needed “some work” but had great possibility.  So we bought it.

Now, we had the great fortune of buying right before the housing market crashed.  Consequently, we grossly overpaid.  And we’re going to be here forever because we will never make any money on this house.  Ever.  During our inspection, the inspector found rat droppings in the basement.  That should have been (one of many) signs to turn and run the other way.  But instead we replaced all the ceiling tiles in the basement and considered the problem solved.  Now, if you know anything about rats in your house then you know that once they get in, it’s almost impossible to get rid of them forever without finding any tiny little hole in your house and sealing it up.

And wouldn’t you know, within weeks of moving in, we had a rat.  So I called some guy who came out to remove our dead friend and seal the house.  This guy had clearly been using his rat poison for his own recreational purposes.  He was OUT THERE and not so bright.  (Again, a sign that I should have called someone else.  I’m just not so good with “the signs.”)  Anyway, he came out, laid some traps, “sealed” the house and left.  Long story even longer, he was so out there that he never came back for the traps he’d put down in the basement.  And his sealing skills were clearly lacking…

Fast forward two years and we have fleas.  I’ve been standing firm on the fact that Hunter didn’t bring those fleas into the house.  Turns out I was right, he didn’t.  After the fleas, we got flies.  Now, we’ve seen these flies before.  They are how we knew about rat #1 two years ago.  And then there was the smell.  THE SMELL.  It SMELLS horribly IN MY HOUSE.  Like death.  So like the manly man that Paul is, he went down into the basement last night and did a little recon and sure enough he found not one but TWO dead rats in the ceiling.  TWO.  DEAD.  RATS.  I guess the good thing about OUT THERE dude is that these rats actually got trapped in his traps.  One is in such a state of decomposition that it has maggots.  Awesome.  Fortunately, I’d already called someone to come out this morning and look for dead animals and take them away so Paul just left them where they were and some guy is going to come and haul our new dead friends away.  And Paul didn’t even look all that thoroughly, there could be more.

I’m so grossed out.  I just can’t deal.  OK, I can but I don’t want to deal.  I’m repulsed.  I mean, there are rats in my house.  Who knows where else they’ve been.  Have they been in my kitchen?  Hanging out on my couch?  In Courtney’s room?  UUUGGGHHHH.  So gross.  I almost woke Paul up last night so we could go check in to a hotel.  I just kept thinking that something was going to nibble on my toes.  We’ll see what rat dude has to say today and maybe we’ll get a bit more sleep tonight.  I’d like to end this by saying, “I’m not holding my breath” but I am, I’m holding it.  It stinks in here.