I had a follow up today with Dr Butt to see how things were healing, you know, in my butt. After a 30 minute wait, he inspected me for 6 seconds, max, and gave me the all clear. By the time he came in to check me out, my little angel was more like a little turd, and was melting down. And, like a total novice, I’d left the diaper bag in the car and of course Courtney had a nasty diaper from the second we’d arrived and she STUNK. (The first time I went to see Dr Butt, I was in and out in 15 minutes, and I’d lugged all that baby stuff and I didn’t really need it. Blah. Blah. Blah.) Anyway, we leave the office, I change her in the car (one of the great features of the SUV), and there is SCREAMING going on. I’m sure people thought I was abusing her. I’m surprised I didn’t get arrested for child abuse. I was just trying to fix things, kid. Stop SCREAMING.
Why am I boring telling you about my day? It reminds me of an episode from my youth….
My mom had a bunch of women over one night for bridge, twelve women maybe, I have no idea but that sounds like a good number. My dad was in charge of putting my brothers and I to bed. And there was this glass of water, that was my glass, that either I had brought up or my dad had. I really have no idea, it was just there. Anyway, my dad took the glass because my brother had the nerve to be thirsty and didn’t have the foresight to bring up his own glass of water was thirsty. At this point, I turned into a turd all on my own. I started screaming at him to “let me have it!” It was MY water and I wasn’t going to share a drop of it with some dumb brother. “LET ME HAVE IT!!” Now, keep in mind, there are 12 lovely women downstairs, trying to play bridge as my dad was abusing me with my water glass. “LET ME HAVE IT!!!” So he did. He threw that glass of water in my face. Which is exactly what I deserved.
I’m sure those women quit their games and all went home because clearly there was a turd upstairs, and she was being abused, and perhaps someone should call the police. Once that water hit me, then the screaming really began. I do think I went downstairs to “tell” on my dad, like all twelve of those women didn’t already know what happened. I’d like to think those women got a good laugh at me, soaking wet, being a turd.
OK, so maybe Courtney screaming bloody murder in the parking garage isn’t quite the same thing but there’s no doubt that I’m in for it. Payback is going to be terrible. She’s going to give me a run for my money but I’m going to be on to her, I was a turd for many years, and I know all the tricks. Just ask my mom.
