How to Keep the Romance Alive

DISCLAIMER: If you are related to Paul or I, you probably don’t want to read this.  It will make you a bit uncomfortable.  I’m warning you now, stop reading.  OK, consider yourself warned.

Did you think I had the answer here? Well, I don’t. My life is a romance free zone. There’s no romance here. I saw some on TV a while back but I don’t think that counts. (And I’m pretty sure that Weeds and Saving Grace should not really be considered romance…)

It’s hard to live a life full of romance when you have a life full of poop, hemorrhoids, and tired adults. It’s hard to have an intellectual conversation let alone make out by the glow of the iPhone.  And sadly, it’s an epidemic of grand proportions amongst the parents I know, at least the new/newer parents.

I’m pretty sure it’s a generational thing but my friends and I tend to talk about sex, or the lack there of.  (I’m fairly certain my parents didn’t talk about it with their friends and if they did, well, I just don’t want to know.)  We talk about how things are going in our relationships.  Not the itty bitty details, not the intimately private stuff but are ya getting any sex?  Are you interested in it?  How often are you doing it?  I think we’re all looking for a little help, some guidance if you will – what are you doing to keep things exciting (or just there).  Most of the answers I’m getting are no, no and no.  People aren’t doing it, they don’t want it, and they can’t remember the last time they got any. And they’re FINE with that.  At least the women are and that’s who I’m talking to.

Back in the olden days, you know, the days before kids, we probably all had pretty healthy sex lives.  There were dinner’s out, back rubs, foot massages (not for me, however, Paul won’t touch my feet), candles, maybe even some sexy lingerie to get things going.  Now there are cranky moms, swollen boobs, hemorrhoids, baby books, and dinners of creamed chicken (gross).  Husbands are getting their cheap thrills with attempted boob grabs, ass smacks as they pass their wives in the kitchen and the occasional vulgar comments about blow jobs.  Call me crazy but there isn’t much there in the way of foreplay, at least for me.  While the introduction of kids can lead to the demise of ones sex life, it is not a bad step in the journey known as marriage, maybe it’s just a detour.

I’ve “polled” my friends and some say to give it a year, give it three years, even give it five years and things will get back to normal.  Or the new normal.  You’ve caught up on some sleep, the kids are out of diapers, they’re a bit more independent (or as independent as a 4 year old can be) and you and your spouse are beginning to rediscover one another.  I hope it doesn’t take us five years to get ourselves back on track.  Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t bad or anything, they’re just different.  On some levels it’s like we’re dating again, feeling one another out.  The things that I used to find funny, I’m now rolling my eyes at.  The things that were endearing are now kind of stupid.  And of course, those are some of the things that my hubby found endearing in me, the fact that I laughed at his silliness, and he’s wondering where that person went.

Nope, I don’t have all the answers but at least we’re talking about it.  Or trying to.  And I think that’s part of the battle, keep at it, keep talking.  If you’re lonely, say so.  If you want your head rubbed, say so.  If you need things done differently, say so.  Don’t let the walls build so high that you can’t possibly see to the other side.  Like many bumps in the road, this too shall pass.  And when it does, watch out.